We All Just Want Positive Attention

When I started going to yoga classes back in 2003, I found a class that I loved.  It made me work hard physically, it appealed to me intellectually, and the teacher would give me positive praise!  How often do we, as adults, get positive praise somewhere???  Not often.  I can't believe what a difference that made to me.  The teacher purposefully learned everyones name so she could give positive feedback.

In a teacher development workshop last week, I realized again the importance and effectiveness of positive reinforcement/feedback.  Research shows that when you praise a specific behavior a child does, the likelihood of them doing it again increases tremendously, AND other students will mimic the behavior in hopes of getting that same praise.

Our words are so important.  I realize that more and more as I teach.  How I phrase tasks makes a huge difference in how the students do it!  How I praise or don't praise behavior I want to see makes a huge difference in the behavior of the students.

So why is this harder for me to accomplish at home??  I do give positive reinforcement verbally and in other ways to my daughter.  But I feel I could do more.  And I don't think I give nearly enough to my husband.    They say it can feel unnatural at first to word things properly.  But eventually it feels natural.  So I will start practicing now!  And I challenge you to notice this week how much specific positive praise you get or give!

The Queen of Paralyzed Perfection

So my Health Challenge is almost done.  Only one more week left.  Have I lost eight pounds like I thought I could/should?  Umm, no.  Have I eaten less desserts/sweets?  Yes!  I have definitely done better, though not perfect, at not having dessert every day. Have I realized that I eat too much food sometimes, not just too much desserts?  Yes!  I thought my main problem was sweets, and if I cut those out I'd lose weight.  But my mind? or whatever is so tricky, I just eat more of other foods to make up for the lack of sweets!

So I haven't lost as much weight as I wanted.  But I have gained a new friend.  She helped me decorate my bedroom, we went running together, we've laughed together, sent LOTS of texts, and supported each other through the challenge.  Fun!  I don't know why it's taken me so long to open up enough to get someone to do something like this with me.  (Well, maybe I do know why, but that's another story).

The point is, I've been thinking about my 'issues' with food.  And it's tied to my 'issue' of wanting to look good to other people on the outside in many ways.  The way my house looks, the way I look.  And that is all tied to 'issues' with perfectionism.  I read an excellent article tonight in BYU Magazine (the magazine for alumni), titled "That's How the Light Gets In".  This article is all about our desires for THE correct answer to something, or doing things 'Perfect" every time we do anything.  The author, Tyler J. Jarvis, says, "You could say we are paralyzed by perfection."  Well, I am the Queen of that!  The Queen of not doing things til I can do them perfectly, thus there are many things I didn't do soon enough or wasn't brave enough to try!!!!

Jarvis gives four steps to becoming unparalyzed:  1) Admit and Accept Imperfection.  I love the example he gives of his wife as a missionary.  She and her companion wanted to obey ALL the mission rules exactly.  But when they couldn't fit everything in their schedule, they realized it would take 25 hours/day! So they had to make do with an approximation, or in other words, admit and accept imperfection.  But I've learned as I've taught PE full-time the past two years, 90% of success is just showing up!  I may not be a perfect PE teacher, but if I just show up, I'm pretty good!  That's accepting imperfection.

2) Work Hard to Get Your Best Approximation.  "..admitting and accepting imperfection allows us to find imperfect but workable solutions to our personal and spiritual problems---but these solutions still require deep thought and hard work".

3)  Act on Your Best Approximation.  God wants us to take action!  Go for it!  Just do it!  We WILL make mistakes!  But do it anyway, because that is how we learn.

4)  Do It Again.  Meaning, repeat steps 1-3.  As we do this, our knowledge will be refined and we will improve.

In Leonard Cohen's song "Anthem", we read:

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.

"Our bells are cracked.  But let's ring those bells that still can ring.  Stop worrying about your failure to achieve perfection---perfection is not possible in this life.  Instead embrace the light and healing power of Christ that come in through our cracks and imperfections.  There is a crack in everything.  That's how the light gets in."

I love that idea.  Now I'm doing the hard work to find my best approximation of eating healthy.

Here's to the First Step!

We all have 24 hours in our day, and we are all creatures of habit.  It is so difficult to change some habits!  It takes thought, and energy, and time.  I feel the need to create some new afterschool and evening habits so that I am more productive, but haven't quite gotten that done yet.  In the past couple of years, I've often been so tired after school, that it takes a couple of hours to just get some energy back!  But I started taking several vitamins this past month, and I'm wondering if that's helping me feel less tired, because I do!  Such a blessing to not be so exhausted after school!

I still think it's fine to have some kind of afterschool routine to unwind from the day.  But then need to move on to other things.  Wedding Album to finish!  Cruise Album to finish!  Family Album to finish!  Learn a new song on the piano!  Finish my knitted scarf!  Start a crochet project!  Not to mention start doing Family History research!!  But it is so easy to let time slip by watching a tv show, or reading Facebook or emails.  Plus sometimes my daughter needs me to help her with something, or go to a meeting or shopping with her.

Well, just have to plan what I can do, than take action and do it!  Keep it simple.  One project each day that I can work on.  As the saying goes, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

Five Tips for Breaking Bad Habits

Here is what I've learned the last few years about breaking/changing bad habits:

1.  Turn to Christ first.  Make Him the focus of your day by reading scriptures first thing in the morning, then throughout the day checking if you're still focused on Him.

2.  Be willing to suffer for a season!  Christ can help us change, but we have to do all we can!  And changing bad habits is difficult.  Just telling myself to expect some suffering for a while helps me prepare for it.

3.  Replace bad habits with good.  Again, rather than focusing only on the bad habit, start replacing it with good habits, one habit at a time.  For instance, if eating dessert every night is the habit you want to change, replace it with drinking herbal tea or chewing gum at night.  You can also replace it with an activity at night, such as playing piano/guitar or knitting.

4.  Reach out to others.  Friends are so important in life!  Whether you have a friend that is working on a goal with you or is just a friend, they can be a support and listening ear.  Plus it is just as important for you to ask how their life is going, and be their listening ear!  It helps so much to get you 'out of your box'.

5.  Notice your thoughts.  Do you have thoughts of succeeding?  Or do you lose faith in times of temptation?  Write down the kind of person you want to be, then act as if you are already that person!  In other words, 'Fake it til you Make it!'.  There is a lot of power in that.  As the saying goes, "Do the thing and you will have the power."  I believe that!  I've seen it work!

The Best Kind of Art

Totally cried watching an episode of "Merlin" tonight.  Sheesh.  I am such a romantic.  I cry at television shows.  I love a good story with characters I believe and care about.  As a teenager it was books that I devoured and lost myself in.  Sometimes it is still books (The Hunger Games would be one).  But also beautfiul dances (especially contemporary dance duets on So You Think You Can Dance), live musical theater (Les Miserables), and good movies.  There is a lot of good art out there.  But probably even more "bad" art, or maybe I should call it art that is technically well done, but is not uplifting in any sense, and appeals to man's base senses.  I love the kind of art that makes me want to be a better person.  That gives me hope.  That shows the best in mankind, along with their struggles.  That shows  people who laugh together along with struggle together.  Makes me want to keep trying to build that kind of connection in my own relationships.  So others will be inspired and find hope.

Musings on Merlin

So I've cut back on tv watching this summer.  Why waste the time unless I really like it, you know?  But I wanted some interesting story to entertain me.  So I'd heard the kids talk about the British series "Merlin", and decided to check it out.  Watched a couple of episodes of the first season (there are now five seasons) and was hooked.  Good writing, action, humor, romantic tension building very slowly, and characters I believe and like.

So I guess I'm a hopeless romantic.  I am so happy to see Arthur fall for Guinevere in his awkward way, as a person who has been taught to treat servants a certain way.  Then to see Guinevere and Lancelot fall for each other, and to see Arthur notice that they have affection for each other just breaks my heart!  Maybe I should be rooting for Guinevere and Lancelot, but I'm not.  I like Guinevere and Arthur.  She is so good for him and his heart is genuinely kind!  And of course I know how the story traditionally ends, but my daughter says to watch it because it may be different than what I expect.  ????   I guess I will have to continue to watch!

Where is Chivalry?

We've had three young men from the Ukraine and Moldova staying with us the past two weeks.  One of them is very chivalrous/gentlemanly about helping me carry groceries, gettting things in cupboards that are too high for me, getting silverware unstuck from the dishwasher, etc. It has reminded me how much that is lacking in my life.  Maybe it's my fault I haven't trained my husband to be that way more?  My youngest son did start doing that kind of thing before he left.  Anyway, I miss it.  Or I should say, I've never had that kind of treatment, and I would like it.  To be treated like I'm special and someone wants to be around me and help me.  I guess we're all that way. But then again, am I treating others that way?