We took a family trip to the Redwood Forest of northern California last week with our daughter and two of her friends. Beautiful campsite in the Six Rivers National Forest by Smith River. Tall trees surrounding us. Mild temperatures. The river was refreshing but not icy, perfect for cliff jumping and swimming. The stars like bright polka dots above us.
I loved it.
I love sleeping in a tent with fresh air, the sound of crickets and birds and the flowing river. It helps if my mattress is comfortable! I loved walking through Stout Grove in the Jedidiah Smith Redwoods State Park, dwarfed by the magnificent redwoods all around. There was a reverent feel there. Quiet. No sound of birds and bugs for some reason. As if all creatures showed reverence for the ancient redwoods.
I loved hiking 1 1/2 hours to the Boy Scout Tree, my feet on soft ground, my head under a canopy of giant redwoods, my breath steady. I love the rhythm of hiking and breathing. I loved hiking .5 mile to the Klamath River Overlook to see Eden - enormous roaring ocean, primitive cliffs, jarring boulders, fog-encased land.
The Chinese talk about five elements, or five states of change, which describe the interaction and relation between yin and yang: wood, fire, earth, metal, and water. I just know that I find myself wanting these elements around me in my life. I want less concrete and more earth. Less enclosed walls and more air. How do I find that balance in a modern life? I'm not ready to leave my comfy home and live in a yurt. But I do open my window at night. I do dig in my garden and plant beautiful things. I do want to display a picture of the ocean my husband took. And I do kiss my speckled beach stone morning and night, to remind me of the magnificence I saw and felt.
I think Mother Nature has quiety set up camp inside me.
Monday, August 11, 2014
The Knot in My Heart
I resist things. I don't know why, but I've noticed I do. I resist change, I resist suggestions from my husband, I resist trying things differently, I resist letting myself be softened. Resist, resist, resist. It's kind of like a knot I have in my forearm, where the muscle is soooo tight. I keep rubbing it trying to loosen it up.
My Mom says I was born about two weeks after my due date, and that I must have had a hard time deciding if I really wanted to come to earth. Maybe I resisted coming to earth. I have a hard time making decisions sometimes. Or maybe lots of times. Do I eat this or that at a restaurant? Should I take this job or that job? Should I decorate my room this way or that way? Sometimes I just labor way too much over decisions. And LABOR is the right word for it! The problem is, if I'm going to decorate, I want it to be Just Right. If I take a job, it should be Just Right.
For some decisions, this isn't a problem. I can take forever to decorate my room. No one else cares or sees (except my husband). It can be more problematic at a restaurant or when taking a job. My husband has been a good example to me of not-laboring, or Just Do It. Don't worry about planting the garden perfectly, just turn the dirt over and throw some seeds in. Don't worry about weeding perfectly every week, just pull a few weeds for five minutes every week. He has been a good example of NOT resisting ideas or change or doing hard things or suggestions from me. He has truly accomplished a lot in his life because of this.
Are the resistance and the indecision related? Maybe this resistance is like a knot in my heart. I've always considered myself a very obedient, good person. Someone who wanted to do 'good' and live 'right'. But I've discovered this dang knot in my heart. So now I'm working on rubbing it and trying to loosen it up.
This could take a while.
My Mom says I was born about two weeks after my due date, and that I must have had a hard time deciding if I really wanted to come to earth. Maybe I resisted coming to earth. I have a hard time making decisions sometimes. Or maybe lots of times. Do I eat this or that at a restaurant? Should I take this job or that job? Should I decorate my room this way or that way? Sometimes I just labor way too much over decisions. And LABOR is the right word for it! The problem is, if I'm going to decorate, I want it to be Just Right. If I take a job, it should be Just Right.
For some decisions, this isn't a problem. I can take forever to decorate my room. No one else cares or sees (except my husband). It can be more problematic at a restaurant or when taking a job. My husband has been a good example to me of not-laboring, or Just Do It. Don't worry about planting the garden perfectly, just turn the dirt over and throw some seeds in. Don't worry about weeding perfectly every week, just pull a few weeds for five minutes every week. He has been a good example of NOT resisting ideas or change or doing hard things or suggestions from me. He has truly accomplished a lot in his life because of this.
Are the resistance and the indecision related? Maybe this resistance is like a knot in my heart. I've always considered myself a very obedient, good person. Someone who wanted to do 'good' and live 'right'. But I've discovered this dang knot in my heart. So now I'm working on rubbing it and trying to loosen it up.
This could take a while.
Sunday, July 13, 2014
Old Friends - July 13, 2014
This past Wednesday I met my high school friend for dinner. She was in town for a work conference. I am SO BLESSED with wonderful high school friends. It was so fun to catch up! When you've known each other this long, it is just comfortable. We pretty much know all of each other's 'stuff'. And we seem to have a lot in common. Anyway, it's just great to have girlfriends who can be your pyschologist; who know you, your background, the ups and downs you've had in life. They listen and empathize and love you with all your faults. That's what life is about. Creating relationships like that. I'm blessed to have some.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
We All Just Want Positive Attention
When I started going to yoga classes back in 2003, I found a class that I loved. It made me work hard physically, it appealed to me intellectually, and the teacher would give me positive praise! How often do we, as adults, get positive praise somewhere??? Not often. I can't believe what a difference that made to me. The teacher purposefully learned everyones name so she could give positive feedback.
In a teacher development workshop last week, I realized again the importance and effectiveness of positive reinforcement/feedback. Research shows that when you praise a specific behavior a child does, the likelihood of them doing it again increases tremendously, AND other students will mimic the behavior in hopes of getting that same praise.
Our words are so important. I realize that more and more as I teach. How I phrase tasks makes a huge difference in how the students do it! How I praise or don't praise behavior I want to see makes a huge difference in the behavior of the students.
So why is this harder for me to accomplish at home?? I do give positive reinforcement verbally and in other ways to my daughter. But I feel I could do more. And I don't think I give nearly enough to my husband. They say it can feel unnatural at first to word things properly. But eventually it feels natural. So I will start practicing now! And I challenge you to notice this week how much specific positive praise you get or give!
In a teacher development workshop last week, I realized again the importance and effectiveness of positive reinforcement/feedback. Research shows that when you praise a specific behavior a child does, the likelihood of them doing it again increases tremendously, AND other students will mimic the behavior in hopes of getting that same praise.
Our words are so important. I realize that more and more as I teach. How I phrase tasks makes a huge difference in how the students do it! How I praise or don't praise behavior I want to see makes a huge difference in the behavior of the students.
So why is this harder for me to accomplish at home?? I do give positive reinforcement verbally and in other ways to my daughter. But I feel I could do more. And I don't think I give nearly enough to my husband. They say it can feel unnatural at first to word things properly. But eventually it feels natural. So I will start practicing now! And I challenge you to notice this week how much specific positive praise you get or give!
Friday, October 25, 2013
The Queen of Paralyzed Perfection
So my Health Challenge is almost done. Only one more week left. Have I lost eight pounds like I thought I could/should? Umm, no. Have I eaten less desserts/sweets? Yes! I have definitely done better, though not perfect, at not having dessert every day. Have I realized that I eat too much food sometimes, not just too much desserts? Yes! I thought my main problem was sweets, and if I cut those out I'd lose weight. But my mind? or whatever is so tricky, I just eat more of other foods to make up for the lack of sweets!
So I haven't lost as much weight as I wanted. But I have gained a new friend. She helped me decorate my bedroom, we went running together, we've laughed together, sent LOTS of texts, and supported each other through the challenge. Fun! I don't know why it's taken me so long to open up enough to get someone to do something like this with me. (Well, maybe I do know why, but that's another story).
The point is, I've been thinking about my 'issues' with food. And it's tied to my 'issue' of wanting to look good to other people on the outside in many ways. The way my house looks, the way I look. And that is all tied to 'issues' with perfectionism. I read an excellent article tonight in BYU Magazine (the magazine for alumni), titled "That's How the Light Gets In". This article is all about our desires for THE correct answer to something, or doing things 'Perfect" every time we do anything. The author, Tyler J. Jarvis, says, "You could say we are paralyzed by perfection." Well, I am the Queen of that! The Queen of not doing things til I can do them perfectly, thus there are many things I didn't do soon enough or wasn't brave enough to try!!!!
Jarvis gives four steps to becoming unparalyzed: 1) Admit and Accept Imperfection. I love the example he gives of his wife as a missionary. She and her companion wanted to obey ALL the mission rules exactly. But when they couldn't fit everything in their schedule, they realized it would take 25 hours/day! So they had to make do with an approximation, or in other words, admit and accept imperfection. But I've learned as I've taught PE full-time the past two years, 90% of success is just showing up! I may not be a perfect PE teacher, but if I just show up, I'm pretty good! That's accepting imperfection.
2) Work Hard to Get Your Best Approximation. "..admitting and accepting imperfection allows us to find imperfect but workable solutions to our personal and spiritual problems---but these solutions still require deep thought and hard work".
3) Act on Your Best Approximation. God wants us to take action! Go for it! Just do it! We WILL make mistakes! But do it anyway, because that is how we learn.
4) Do It Again. Meaning, repeat steps 1-3. As we do this, our knowledge will be refined and we will improve.
In Leonard Cohen's song "Anthem", we read:
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
"Our bells are cracked. But let's ring those bells that still can ring. Stop worrying about your failure to achieve perfection---perfection is not possible in this life. Instead embrace the light and healing power of Christ that come in through our cracks and imperfections. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in."
I love that idea. Now I'm doing the hard work to find my best approximation of eating healthy.
So I haven't lost as much weight as I wanted. But I have gained a new friend. She helped me decorate my bedroom, we went running together, we've laughed together, sent LOTS of texts, and supported each other through the challenge. Fun! I don't know why it's taken me so long to open up enough to get someone to do something like this with me. (Well, maybe I do know why, but that's another story).
The point is, I've been thinking about my 'issues' with food. And it's tied to my 'issue' of wanting to look good to other people on the outside in many ways. The way my house looks, the way I look. And that is all tied to 'issues' with perfectionism. I read an excellent article tonight in BYU Magazine (the magazine for alumni), titled "That's How the Light Gets In". This article is all about our desires for THE correct answer to something, or doing things 'Perfect" every time we do anything. The author, Tyler J. Jarvis, says, "You could say we are paralyzed by perfection." Well, I am the Queen of that! The Queen of not doing things til I can do them perfectly, thus there are many things I didn't do soon enough or wasn't brave enough to try!!!!
Jarvis gives four steps to becoming unparalyzed: 1) Admit and Accept Imperfection. I love the example he gives of his wife as a missionary. She and her companion wanted to obey ALL the mission rules exactly. But when they couldn't fit everything in their schedule, they realized it would take 25 hours/day! So they had to make do with an approximation, or in other words, admit and accept imperfection. But I've learned as I've taught PE full-time the past two years, 90% of success is just showing up! I may not be a perfect PE teacher, but if I just show up, I'm pretty good! That's accepting imperfection.
2) Work Hard to Get Your Best Approximation. "..admitting and accepting imperfection allows us to find imperfect but workable solutions to our personal and spiritual problems---but these solutions still require deep thought and hard work".
3) Act on Your Best Approximation. God wants us to take action! Go for it! Just do it! We WILL make mistakes! But do it anyway, because that is how we learn.
4) Do It Again. Meaning, repeat steps 1-3. As we do this, our knowledge will be refined and we will improve.
In Leonard Cohen's song "Anthem", we read:
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
"Our bells are cracked. But let's ring those bells that still can ring. Stop worrying about your failure to achieve perfection---perfection is not possible in this life. Instead embrace the light and healing power of Christ that come in through our cracks and imperfections. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in."
I love that idea. Now I'm doing the hard work to find my best approximation of eating healthy.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Here's to the First Step!
We all have 24 hours in our day, and we are all creatures of habit. It is so difficult to change some habits! It takes thought, and energy, and time. I feel the need to create some new afterschool and evening habits so that I am more productive, but haven't quite gotten that done yet. In the past couple of years, I've often been so tired after school, that it takes a couple of hours to just get some energy back! But I started taking several vitamins this past month, and I'm wondering if that's helping me feel less tired, because I do! Such a blessing to not be so exhausted after school!
I still think it's fine to have some kind of afterschool routine to unwind from the day. But then need to move on to other things. Wedding Album to finish! Cruise Album to finish! Family Album to finish! Learn a new song on the piano! Finish my knitted scarf! Start a crochet project! Not to mention start doing Family History research!! But it is so easy to let time slip by watching a tv show, or reading Facebook or emails. Plus sometimes my daughter needs me to help her with something, or go to a meeting or shopping with her.
Well, just have to plan what I can do, than take action and do it! Keep it simple. One project each day that I can work on. As the saying goes, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
I still think it's fine to have some kind of afterschool routine to unwind from the day. But then need to move on to other things. Wedding Album to finish! Cruise Album to finish! Family Album to finish! Learn a new song on the piano! Finish my knitted scarf! Start a crochet project! Not to mention start doing Family History research!! But it is so easy to let time slip by watching a tv show, or reading Facebook or emails. Plus sometimes my daughter needs me to help her with something, or go to a meeting or shopping with her.
Well, just have to plan what I can do, than take action and do it! Keep it simple. One project each day that I can work on. As the saying goes, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Five Tips for Breaking Bad Habits
Here is what I've learned the last few years about breaking/changing bad habits:
1. Turn to Christ first. Make Him the focus of your day by reading scriptures first thing in the morning, then throughout the day checking if you're still focused on Him.
2. Be willing to suffer for a season! Christ can help us change, but we have to do all we can! And changing bad habits is difficult. Just telling myself to expect some suffering for a while helps me prepare for it.
3. Replace bad habits with good. Again, rather than focusing only on the bad habit, start replacing it with good habits, one habit at a time. For instance, if eating dessert every night is the habit you want to change, replace it with drinking herbal tea or chewing gum at night. You can also replace it with an activity at night, such as playing piano/guitar or knitting.
4. Reach out to others. Friends are so important in life! Whether you have a friend that is working on a goal with you or is just a friend, they can be a support and listening ear. Plus it is just as important for you to ask how their life is going, and be their listening ear! It helps so much to get you 'out of your box'.
5. Notice your thoughts. Do you have thoughts of succeeding? Or do you lose faith in times of temptation? Write down the kind of person you want to be, then act as if you are already that person! In other words, 'Fake it til you Make it!'. There is a lot of power in that. As the saying goes, "Do the thing and you will have the power." I believe that! I've seen it work!
1. Turn to Christ first. Make Him the focus of your day by reading scriptures first thing in the morning, then throughout the day checking if you're still focused on Him.
2. Be willing to suffer for a season! Christ can help us change, but we have to do all we can! And changing bad habits is difficult. Just telling myself to expect some suffering for a while helps me prepare for it.
3. Replace bad habits with good. Again, rather than focusing only on the bad habit, start replacing it with good habits, one habit at a time. For instance, if eating dessert every night is the habit you want to change, replace it with drinking herbal tea or chewing gum at night. You can also replace it with an activity at night, such as playing piano/guitar or knitting.
4. Reach out to others. Friends are so important in life! Whether you have a friend that is working on a goal with you or is just a friend, they can be a support and listening ear. Plus it is just as important for you to ask how their life is going, and be their listening ear! It helps so much to get you 'out of your box'.
5. Notice your thoughts. Do you have thoughts of succeeding? Or do you lose faith in times of temptation? Write down the kind of person you want to be, then act as if you are already that person! In other words, 'Fake it til you Make it!'. There is a lot of power in that. As the saying goes, "Do the thing and you will have the power." I believe that! I've seen it work!
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